What is the one determinant that affects how successful you are in life? Or not?
You might think its circumstances, like poverty or an unhappy home. However, there are enough examples of people who have risen successfully above their circumstances. There are also enough examples of people who have been born into privileged or happy homes that have not been so successful.
Circumstances do NOT determine your success.
The answer, as you may expect, lies within.
Your self-image is THE major determinant of your success.
What exactly is self-image?
Self-image is the collection of beliefs you have about yourself.
It’s the kind of person you believe you are.
Fill out a page of sentences starting with “I’m the kind of person that …” and you will have a pretty good idea of your self-image.
A negative self-image reflects in a low self-esteem; a positive self-image reflects in a high self-esteem.
This diagram (from Maxwell Mailz – Psycho-Cybernetics) illustrates the power of the self-image and self-esteem.
Only a small amount of your potential is achieved when you have low-self-esteem – shown in the left-hand diagram.
A much greater amount of your potential is reached when you have a high self-esteem and strong self-image.
It’s simple then, isn’t it.
To be more successful in life, have a stronger self-image!
But HOW?
There are many different ways of breaking those limiting beliefs that make up your self-image.
Today I’m going to talk about a very powerful exercise:
Collecting Evidence
1) Awareness (I know I always harp on this – but if you don’t know you can’t change it!)
2) Collect the evidence
3) Trust and be present
1) Awareness
Think about something you’re battling to achieve. Write down all the reasons why (aim for thirty reasons.
I cannot lose weight. WHY?
Because I am the kind of person who
– comes from a fat family
– eats for comfort
– has no self-discipline
– I’m bored with dieting
– hates being hungry
– etc
Work with one belief that you feel is holding you back the most.
2) Collect the evidence.
This is where the hard work comes in. You may have to do this for a few months, or even a year.
Basically what you are doing is using your conscious mind to convince your subconscious mind that you are disciplined.
Let’s say you are working with self-discipline.
All the proof that you have no self-discipline is stored in your subconscious mind – supporting that aspect of your self-image that you are not disciplined.
When you have collected enough evidence that you are self-disciplined, that belief in your self-image will make a switch.
Start writing in a journal or a document on your computer – something you can access and update easily every day.
Make a list of all the times you are disciplined:
– I brush my teeth every day
– I got out of bed this morning to go to work – even though I did not feel like it
– I ate a healthy breakfast
– I was angry in the meeting but I spoke calmly to my colleague
– I renewed my license
– etc
Record every aspect of your day – every day – where you display an amount of discipline. Keep doing this.
3) Trust and be Present
Make sure you add to your Evidence List every day. Then get on with your life and TRUST that the process will work.
While you’re working on daily activities focus on what you are doing. Be present.
Allow your subconscious mind to do its thing with all the evidence you are collecting – you don’t have to worry about the process. It will work.
The more evidence you collect, the more the limiting belief will be dissolved. This will happen naturally.
It works!
I have seen this work with clients. One of them had such a strong belief that she couldn’t do Maths and it affected her behaviour in strange ways. One day she went up to the University Notice Board to check her mark from a recent Maths exam. She got 63%. As she stepped back from the throng of students pushing to get to the front, she thought to herself:
“Oh, I must have read my mark wrong.”
She asked a friend to check it for her. Of course, she had read it right.
So strong was her self-image that she didn’t even believe a fact right before her eyes!
After about 14 months of collecting evidence, the reality started sinking and her confidence grew. She’ll be graduating soon…
If you want to be more in life, to achieve your potential and to live successfully, destroy those limiting beliefs about yourself.
Create a strong self-image.
All you need is evidence.
Phew. Maxwell Maltz. Haven’t heard that name in years.
Great article, Kirsten. My self-esteem takes a hit more often than not. And, when this happens, I need to remind myself that I am valuable. So, what I do is have a look at my past achievements and make a list of them. This helps me realise that, hey, I do good work, I do impact on my fellow human being and I am useful. We (I) often take for granted what we have gone through to get to where we are in this moment. And, sometimes, it just takes a conscious effort for us to be gentle on ourselves. I’m rambling now. But, my last point is to realise that we can’t please everybody. This is a big killer of self-esteem. Work on yourself relentlessly and you will attract those to you who appreciate you and then your self-esteem will soar.
Thanks for the comment Jacques. I hauled Maxwell Maltz’s book out again – Pshcho-Cybernetics and am re-reading it. Wow it’s full of great stuff – even tho it is really old!
I think everybody battles with hits to their self-esteem at times – it’s important to realize, as you have explained, that it is your responsililty to work on it and improve it. No-one else can do that for you.