6 things cool guys would never do

1. Ignore her when she walks into a room:

The scene: She’s been working late and you’re meeting at a party. You’re chatting to some friends, she walks in, and you vaguely nod at her and carry on talking to your friends.

The message she gets: She is not important.

Rather: Break off the conversation, walk to her, greet her and draw her into the circle

You get: a secure and happy woman

2. Go on and on about how Valentine ’s Day is a commercial racket.

The scene: Valentine ’s Day is coming up. You feel irritated because of the pressure and the build-up. You really don’t believe in it. At every opportunity you rant and rave about how you think Valentine ’s Day is a waste of time.

The message she gets: You’re not going to be acknowledging her on the day, and if you do so it’s half-hearted and you don’t mean it.

Rather: Stop ranting about it – it’s not going to go away. Man up and do your thing on the day OR explain to her that you don’t need a special day to acknowledge her and that you would rather do something special with her on a regular basis. Of course if you don’t follow up as promised, you’re toast…so be VERY, VERY sure about this route.

You get: A woman who feels loved and cherished.

3. Roll your eyes in contempt when she’s telling a story.

The scene: You’re at a dinner party and she’s telling a story about a mistake she make at the office. You roll your eyes, muttering under your breath.

The message she gets: You are nasty, you don’t respect her and you don’t support her.

Rather: Shut up and support her. Find something affirming to say. Remember, contempt is a relationship-killer.

You get: A woman who feels supported and respected.

4. Say something really nasty to her, then follow up with “I was only teasing”

The scene: You’re at a braai with friends and you comment about what a useless cook she is. Everyone laughs. You see she’s upset and you say “Come on Babe, I was only teasing”.

The message she gets: You’re dissing her, and laughing at her expense.

Rather: Remember that wise old adage – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it. Understand that saying you were only teasing does not take away the hurt or make the remark go away. You may think that saying you were only teasing is a license to get away with cruel remarks – it’s not and it makes the remark cut deeper. Rather say nothing. And get rid of this bad habit.

You get: A happy afternoon spent with friends.

5. Refuse to cook a meal because it’s a woman’s job

The scene: She’s been at her parents all day dealing with a family emergency. She walks in late afternoon. You’re on the couch watching TV and as she walks in the door you ask what’s for dinner.

The message she gets: You don’t care and you only think of yourself.

 Rather: Jump up, give her a hug and tell her to relax because you made (or even organised) dinner.

You get: a woman who knows she’s thought about and cared for.

6. Lie to her so that you can spend a night with your friends.

The scene: You mate wants to go for drinks. You don’t want a scene so you tell her that you’re working late. You come home late and drunk.

The message she gets: You can’t be trusted.

Rather: Tell the truth

You get: Someone who knows where she stands.

Have you noticed that ,in every case, changing your behaviour gets you get a happy woman? If you’re asking but what’s in this for you, then maybe you don’t understand women at all…..

About Kirsten Long

Coach. Toastmaster. Prison-worker. Wife. Mother. Friend.

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